i'm just a little discouraged is all.

i went for a walk today. my butt has been getting sore from moving from the computer chair to the couch and back for the past ... seven months. eep. a job is needed.

anyways, i walked over to hydro to pay my hydro and walked down taylor. i saw a great field of untouched snow, beautiful. the sky was perfect today. the weather, the smell, perfect. walked around for about an hour until i realized i hadn't eaten food yet. it was about 3pm. 

i get discouraged at the canadian climate in media and entertainment, how a show such as the New Music could go off the air after 25 years with no real (good enough) explanation, how Chart magazine could stop publishing and be exclusively internet based without letting any of the writers know, leaving them to discover the announcement in a press release. 

i look at grant applications and 'emerging filmmaker funds' and say 'fuck it, what's the point? i'm not going to win, why would i go through all the trouble of making SIX COPIES of the application?'

i put off working on the newest batch of assignments for the hcl site. something intimidating and vague is usually what i am asked to deliver. they have loved it all thus far, but we shall see...

i think i might be out of money as of this month. i have been looking for jobs - but office depot and world of water are the only places who seem to be hiring. and the gas station on the corner.

i suppose i've been pretty depressed about it all, but that is nothing new. i just need to pay the bills, you know?

cut a trailer for the film, though how pointless is that? i don't know, it feels like a pretty funny trailer, making fun of trailers in general, specifically bio pic trailers. i don't know. i'll figure out how to get it online someday. then i'll figure out what the fuck to do with the film, since i have never ever put a film in any festival outside of the university festivals (they always do well, but competing with anything with an actual budget makes me think that it isn't worth the submission fee). i did submit to nsi once and was rejected, now they don't have a physical festival, just the online one. i showed films at a festival in thompson a few years ago, and that was not much of a festival. it was less organized than a kindergarten's show and tell time.

i'm just a little discouraged is all.