small note to self

Both photos via we heart it

the super official poster for our film

eat me.

*sigh*

hair is gone. new job on monday. 

at least i had a blast with kael tonight! also - going to see the weakerthans/constantines tomorrow ... hopefully.

here's a random picture. 

part of a balanced breakfast.

To Do

Photo by: Mike Postnov

1. Get over ex (it will be a lot easier when I get back to Texas and not have to see him all the time)
2. Get a job (preferably one that I like)
3. Keep looking for better jobs if I don't hit the jackpot the first time
4. Get a place to live
5. Get my wings (tattooed on my back)

Most importantly - BE HAPPY and find happiness in myself and not in others. No more looking for validation. Love myself.

And as you can see, "get in a relationship" is nowhere on my list of things to do. I've realized that my life is the main course. Boys are just desserts. And sometimes the main course is so fulfilling that you don't want dessert.

p.s. Thank you all for your hugs and kind words. You guys inspire me every day and remind me that there is much to live for and that this hurt won't last forever. :)

a girl and a gun

sigh. sometimes you just want to make films and have beautiful girls and guns. that's all godard needs. 

that's all we all need.

The Film Festival

http://theatre.uwinnipeg.ca/filmfest.htm

So our film (A Reasonable Man) is screening on Thursday night (next week) so come check it out?

Awards nomination wise, I'm a little bummed that I didn't get an acting nod, as I've never felt like I've deserved one really until now. I worked really hard on the Harvey character, harder than I ever have before. Oh well - just a student film festival anyway. 

Gotta congratulate my good friend (and a great actress) Kaeleigh Ayre for getting nominated for best actress. She adds to a long line of girls in my films that have (Kristen McMahon for "take offs and landings" as well as "...chuck forgets" and Leah Fraser for "I will be grateful for this day") and I'm super proud of her, I knew she could do it! She rocked the role. I can't wait for everyone to see this film.

That's all.

Moving on

Sorry I have not posted in a little while. My life is a bit topsy-turvy at the moment and I'm trying to settle my soul into what's actually happening. Breakups are always ground shaking, but especially when they're quite unexpected and when you not only lose your boyfriend, whom you've been with for almost 5 years, but when you also lose your best friend. And also your best dog friend. And also....well, there is always loss in these kind of things, but I'm dealing with the grief and moving on because if I know life, I know that it has a way of turning the sour lemons into lemonade.

I'm packing up my things and will be moving back to Texas at the end of the week, so I may be flighty. I have to find a job and figure out a way to support myself so I don't always have to rely on people. I have to get rid of my old patterns so I don't end up in this situation again. And for once, I have to do what I love. Follow my dreams. Remember who I am and why I'm here.

constantly living nostalgic (is simply no way to be)

so for my fiftieth post i thought i'd get nostalgic.

i cannot sleep. for many reasons. 

four years ago at the first student film festival i was in (i believe it was the third?) i had my film 'diary of a san fernando sex addict' screened and nominated for best screenplay. it didn't win anything but got a good response. i think everyone went home after the awards banquet dealy.

three years ago at the second student film fest i was in, i was nominated for best actor in my film 'splitzville', kristen mcmahon was nominated for best actress in 'take offs and landings' and an excerpt that dave skene edited from the full length 'daphna' was screened but not nominated. i wound up winning for splitzville. i drank through the awards ceremony. afterwards, we drank at the open bar and then we walked down portage avenue to this party somewhere in woolsley (sp?). yes, the whole gang, kitty mcb, damien, sheena (who walked by a wig shop and kicked in the window i recall), dave, even caley g met up with us and brought me a six pack. yes, we wound up at a party at the house of l'atalier (i think) and i wound up in a shower with eve majzels, re-enacting scenes from ferris bueller. yes, the night was beautiful. 

two and a half years ago i was rejected for nsi (the festival no longer exists). i went to the thompson film fest (big mistake) and screened a few films to barely no audience. kristen, caley and gomez came with.

two years ago i was up for best director and screenplay for 'i will be grateful for this day' while leah was up for best actress for it. kristen was nominated for best actress for 'chuck forgets'. i wound up winning audience fave for 'grateful' and my actresses were robbed by a girl who is a good actress but was awful in her role (the film was ass as well, in almost all our opinions, despite it being up for every award. it was just BORING and not in a good, realist way) and who looks like julianne moore. we had dinner beforehand (right before chad and leah started dating) but did not party afterwards. right after that i graduated and it was all very anti-climactic. 

last year chad and i went to the awards night but did not stay for the awards, just watched the film 2 class project film and left. it was not fun.

so i'm not really friends with anyone i was when i was in film class. in the fall of 2007 i stopped hearing from caley and marc, and just before that, kathleen. no reason was ever given, but i am of the understanding that they think i started ignoring them. kristen had also spent that year in australia and as of yet, i have not seen her since (she has been back for over a year now). dave skene and sheena shand broke up this past summer, and i haven't seen sheena since canada day (she was working) and haven't seen dave since late august (we were jamming a lot in the summer, then we started making the film and i flaked on dave). chad and i made this film together and spent lots of time doing that, we also spent a good year or so drafting the feature length that will never get made, 'mr writer'. other than that, i don't see him. about a year ago we were much closer, somehow that has all changed. leah moved to toronto for a year for no real reason it seemed, and then moved back. 

craig and i haven't been close in well over a year, and now he's moved out of the building so i probably won't see him much at all. i haven't physically seen mitch since working at hmv last june (no, i saw him once at music trader and once at the stephen malkmus show). i don't seem to see anyone really. i see kael occasionally and josh occasionally (not really often though). 

these are the kinds of things that keep you up until four am wondering what happened? did i push these people away? in certain cases, yes,  i was done with them. in certain cases, they were done with me. sometimes i didn't try. sometimes i tried too hard. 

either way, i don't know what the fuck i'm doing. ever.

being nick friesen: the unauthorized biography of harv stevens

call me shallow or superficial, but i totally judge people by what they like. if they like something shitty and can back up why, then that's okay (ie liking the show entourage because it is allowing you to turn your brain off for half an hour and enjoy piven yelling at people). if you can't back up why you like or dislike something that is a little different, then i see no point. 

an argument about michael cera doing the same thing over and over (lots of actors do this, see brad pitt in everything since se7en, woody allen in everything) and saying he's not good but liking what i mentioned in the brackets, well, shit sir. you are contradictory.

i'm just kinda rambly/venty here. don't know what the real point is, just saying that people have opinions made up before they see it, or they're a little close minded to things, or yeah. i was watching a lot of charlie kaufman interviews today (he hasn't done many until promoting his latest film) as well as watching two of his written films (adaptation. and confessions of a dangerous mind - jen hadn't seen it yet) and he made a great point about conventional films/stories. the idea of an artist is to do something new and different and to challenge people and yeah. he's a smart man who some see as pretentious or snobby, but he really isn't. his writing is smart and funny and entertaining, while still being new and not really all that 'weird'. then again, i don't much find david lynch that weird, just enjoyable. i get so bored of the norm sometimes, you know?

anyways. i am now going to gorge a little on chocolate in hopes that my cold goes away (will that work?)

ps - my old film prof emailed me asking if i had been a student at all this year (i haven't) and thusly, i am not eligible for any non-acting nominations in the university film festival, which is fine, it is what it is. i know i got pissed when non students won awards in past years. he said i woulda had some noms though, which is nice (i'll let you kids and kiddos guess what). so that stuff gets announced this week i would think ... stay tuned for when and where you can see our little opus.

i'm sick.

so i'm fairly certain that my body is dying and my mind is soon to follow. my stomach aches have become worse than ever in the last few months, possibly because i have nothing to distract me from them. either way, i am in an insane amount of pain. adjusting my diet to the pain works sometimes, but then one meal throws it all off. curses.

also there is the mystery of my sinus problems. not exactly a mystery, i almost died in grade five from this shit, but come on. i'm 26 years old. gimme a break.

i did a shoot the other day with romi mayes and her backing band, the weber brothers. it was a blast. romi said it was the most fun she'd had on a shoot and it was definitely one of my favourites as well. we shot it at the pyramid, great stuff. won't be on the cover for a few weeks, but you'll see. 

turns out the weber brothers are hired guns of sorts, they play with ronnie hawkins band, the hawks. yes, ronnie hawkins from THE BAND. they were cool and i did some promo shots for them as well.

i can't sleep ever and when i do i'm awoken by the saturday morning vacuuming in the hallway. WHO FUCKING DOES THIS ON A SATURDAY? BANGING AGAINST MY DOOR??????

my guitar does not gently weep, if it does, it's only because i don't know how to play it.

but i'm feeling all sorts of sick today. i wish just once that i could feel normal. that would be lovely.

i'm stressed.

i'm bored.

clearly, i am very bored.

very, very bored.

.

i don't think i want to make films anymore. 

i don't know what i want to do.

i just know i don't want this.

sitting too much.

waiting.

can't take it.

too much waiting. 

i can't handle this rejection.

i can't handle the stress of not knowing.

maybe i'm being melodramatic or something.

the lovely ladies of snl

well i'm incredibly overtired. i have nothing insanely new to report. jen and i watched the finale of ER and i think it was pretty great. paid nice homage to the first episode a few times, tied up loose ends, sent us on some new trails ... good times. great girl. she makes me happy. she bought me a shirt with max from where the wild things are on it. she also got me keebler elves. mmmm. 

supposed to take pictures of romi mayes on wednesday for the cover of uptown but the guy from the bar she's playing at won't call me back and she wanted to do the shoot there ... hmmm. that pyramid cabaret is quite a thing.

there's a girl that works at my bank that is married to an old high sch

ool friend of mine. she said it was his birthday on the weekend and they all kept her up late. turns out that everyone from high school still hangs out together. i told her to wish him a happy belated for me ... and for the last eight birthdays. after high school those guys just stopped calling. no, wait - on my 19th birthday they got incredibly drunk before coming over, made a scene and left. goooood times. i suppose this is why i'm not friends with them anymore, because i basically wasn't in the first place.

then it got me thinking about how things are going. 

i have the day off tomorrow (when don't i?) and i plan on being pro

ductive. i plan on either writing, starting up a flicker account (or some kind of photo account), doing something, making a stop motion short, possibly eating, not dying. i will do things in that order or i won't do them at all!

interesting finds for the day:

the anniversary party on dvd for 2.99 at zellers

john lennon & yoko ono on dick cavette for 9.99

the tom snyder punk/new wave dvd for 9.99

broadway danny rose for 9.99 all at mcnally

yes - i know i shouldn't spend money. but it's not li

ke i spend a lot on groceries, so i justify it that way. i don't eat, but i have a neat dvd collection. i could stand to lose this gut of mine anyways. perhaps i'll go jogging now that it's nice out. who'm i kidding? i can't even sprint without getting winded. i used to be in such good shape (ten years ago). 

jeepers. if i don't find a job this week i won't get paid in time to pay my rent. maybe this stress is what is giving me the stomach aches. well fuck.

on a random note (when aren't they?) i was thinking about how i can finally enjoy saturday night live's ladies now that amy poehler is gone. kristen wiig, casey wilson, abby 'chris elliott is my dad' elliott, and even that other chick are foxy, hilarious and foxy and hilarious. abby elliott is actually the youngest female ever on the show and the forth youngest cast member behind donkey, iron man and tv dead zone. yes, the ladies of snl. funny, funny foxes.

Via weheartit

I've been meaning to post this quote for a few days, but it's more relevant now than ever...

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
~Joseph Campbell

'this apartment is just like mine, but with wood floors'

so, as an update to my post about the party last night underneath my apartment ... at about 2am andrea texts me and give me the ol' price is right and i go to the party and turns out this dude i went to film class with was there (a dude i never talked to and he seems a little socially awkward and i won't name names but he has the same name as a hollywood actor who likes to cut loose ...) and then around 3 i was out in the hall with one other guy and said actor name guy was in the stairwell attempting to get my next door neighbour (the supposed lesbian) to come to the party so i shout 'hey - i live next door to you, come to the party' and she does for one beer. she is taller than me (six foot three) and is surprisingly nice. both the host of the party and the next door neighbour ask me if they can hear me ever (i always can) and i tell them yes, but only when this and this (which is true) so i hope i didn't come off like an old man. the guy under me looks like martin starr from freaks and geeks but if he worked at american apparel. anyways, i have some great conversations (the most fun that i've had at a random party in years) and i leave around 5:30 (two guys are actually passed out so i figure it's quiet enough to go to bread). then i found a tape of the last episodes of californication and watched that till about 7am. saw the sun come up, went to bed and here i am (got up at 12:30) kids and kiddos. jesus i'm a little tired. 

i just thought that was a little weird and decided to share it. thank you for listening. a wap baba loo op ah wap bam boom.

THE MAD MAN OF THE PEOPLE

 
welp - weirdness.

i've been feeling out of it as i haven't eaten much as i ran outta food. anyways ... 

my friend taylor rode his bicycle over today and we traded lo-fi tapes and after he left he called me and had a great idea for a possible harv stevens tribute show ... kind of an idea that i had in my head to do a screening with some bands but he has an idea to cover the song with his collective/label mates who are we eat meat and not animals and that would be insanely exciting (i dig w.e.m. and not animals is chris of former tigerrrbeatness and they were amazing and this new stuff he's doing is fantastic and i've already rambled about how great taylor aka twotails is, if you've watched this you know). ANYWAYS so that happened.

went to my parents for dinner and my sister has been awake for 36 hours - she got back from mexico this morning at 630am or something and went to work at 830am and is now going to the bar. she's craaaaaaazy. my mom had my acoustic guitar restrung and as i don't have my bass (i lent it to josh) i started trying to play the guitar (i haven't been able to before) but my logic was that i've become a better bass player so maybe i could play these bass songs on guitar hmmmmmmm? well, sorta. holding the guitar is a lot different. anyways. we'll see what happens there. maybe i'll get bored later tonight and make songs.

also, there is a FUCKING LOUD party going on underneath me. andrea said she might be going to it. part of me thinks i should go out or something but i don't have any moneys. at all. oh well. night in for me. yawn. the exciting life of ME.

also ALSO now that the drums are gone (enjoying them alexa?????) now i have a place for my guitar stand.

also ALSO ALSO watching lizzie powell clips on youtube makes me smile on a saturday night.

and thus ends one of the most pointless, venty, self indulgent rants in a while.

'it's a day spa, you fuck' - william h macy in a piece of shit movie

i got nothin'.

fuck annie leibovitz, fuck theatre students, fuck the dykes next door ... fuck you?

i'm involved in a dilemma. i know that i'm bored and frustrated with everything, that i don't do much other than watch lots of films these days. i haven't felt creative in months. well, little spurts of creativity occur but nothing major. it's tough because i know that when i produce something that people respond to it - but i'm not truly in it for a response. scratch that - i'm not in it for praise. everything i do in the arts (or in life) is for a reaction or to see how people discuss it. that is the truth. so i suppose that my lack of creativity has something to do with the fact that i don't care what people think right now and that i don't have anything to say/contribute. i'm simply in a rut. 

that being said - i'm attempting to watch zelig (i just watched crimes and misdemeanors as well as children of men ... not a lot to do when you're sick and your girl is outta town) and my lesbian neighbours are having their usual thursday night pre-drink and i want to bash heads (or maybe be an old man and file a noise complaint). either way - fuck you dykes! 

a reasonable man is DONE

alright kids and kiddos - the film is basically done! exciting, no? i'm not sure if i like the transfer, i think it's just my tv that makes it look like ass, but the dvd looks fine on the computer sooooo ... no telling how it will look when projected. either way, it's 30 minutes, it's got sound and music and fun images for you to see and hear and it is crazy. i'm a little pissed because the u of w film fest used to allow all sorts of crew ringers (ie professional grips, etc) to be nominated for awards but this is simply not the case anymore (so basically i can't be nominated for editing or writing, but i can for acting). chad can still be nominated because he is still a student. anyways - there are more important things in the world, so i won't bitch. and if you haven't seen it already in the various other formats i've posted it on, i made a trailer