i cannot sleep. for many reasons.
four years ago at the first student film festival i was in (i believe it was the third?) i had my film 'diary of a san fernando sex addict' screened and nominated for best screenplay. it didn't win anything but got a good response. i think everyone went home after the awards banquet dealy.
three years ago at the second student film fest i was in, i was nominated for best actor in my film 'splitzville', kristen mcmahon was nominated for best actress in 'take offs and landings' and an excerpt that dave skene edited from the full length 'daphna' was screened but not nominated. i wound up winning for splitzville. i drank through the awards ceremony. afterwards, we drank at the open bar and then we walked down portage avenue to this party somewhere in woolsley (sp?). yes, the whole gang, kitty mcb, damien, sheena (who walked by a wig shop and kicked in the window i recall), dave, even caley g met up with us and brought me a six pack. yes, we wound up at a party at the house of l'atalier (i think) and i wound up in a shower with eve majzels, re-enacting scenes from ferris bueller. yes, the night was beautiful.
two and a half years ago i was rejected for nsi (the festival no longer exists). i went to the thompson film fest (big mistake) and screened a few films to barely no audience. kristen, caley and gomez came with.
two years ago i was up for best director and screenplay for 'i will be grateful for this day' while leah was up for best actress for it. kristen was nominated for best actress for 'chuck forgets'. i wound up winning audience fave for 'grateful' and my actresses were robbed by a girl who is a good actress but was awful in her role (the film was ass as well, in almost all our opinions, despite it being up for every award. it was just BORING and not in a good, realist way) and who looks like julianne moore. we had dinner beforehand (right before chad and leah started dating) but did not party afterwards. right after that i graduated and it was all very anti-climactic.
last year chad and i went to the awards night but did not stay for the awards, just watched the film 2 class project film and left. it was not fun.
so i'm not really friends with anyone i was when i was in film class. in the fall of 2007 i stopped hearing from caley and marc, and just before that, kathleen. no reason was ever given, but i am of the understanding that they think i started ignoring them. kristen had also spent that year in australia and as of yet, i have not seen her since (she has been back for over a year now). dave skene and sheena shand broke up this past summer, and i haven't seen sheena since canada day (she was working) and haven't seen dave since late august (we were jamming a lot in the summer, then we started making the film and i flaked on dave). chad and i made this film together and spent lots of time doing that, we also spent a good year or so drafting the feature length that will never get made, 'mr writer'. other than that, i don't see him. about a year ago we were much closer, somehow that has all changed. leah moved to toronto for a year for no real reason it seemed, and then moved back.
craig and i haven't been close in well over a year, and now he's moved out of the building so i probably won't see him much at all. i haven't physically seen mitch since working at hmv last june (no, i saw him once at music trader and once at the stephen malkmus show). i don't seem to see anyone really. i see kael occasionally and josh occasionally (not really often though).
these are the kinds of things that keep you up until four am wondering what happened? did i push these people away? in certain cases, yes, i was done with them. in certain cases, they were done with me. sometimes i didn't try. sometimes i tried too hard.
either way, i don't know what the fuck i'm doing. ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment