Photo by Today is a good day

"For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning."

~T.S. Eliot

hard at work ... rocking?

so i have been creatively stumped for the last ... few weeks. months even. i haven't done much more than sit in front of the tv, routinely viewing top model, still standing, er, friends ... kind of depressing. 

while puttering over the editing of the film tonight (sometimes i force myself to look at it, in hopes that i will magically be able to cut 8 minutes out of it) i came up with a great solution for our lost super 8 footage - you'll see. the flick will be tighter because of it. 

then i came up with a great idea for a short. well, i came up with the characters and the setting. it's not a lot of story, more the interaction of the characters, which is what i like more. story just comes out of that usually in my shorts. i have done a few that were plot driven (with 'chuck forgets' i had an outline of the plot and had a dreadful time plugging words into it) but for the most part i tend to focus on the interactions of people and their surroundings, how said surroundings affect them, blah blah blah. it is a new york story that takes place in one evening in new york city, 1980. you will love it. trust me. we'll make it in the spring. it will be amazing. 

i'm also just realizing, as i've been sitting on my ass for the last ... few weeks ... that starting tomorrow i will be going non-stop christmas family crazy for the next three days. visiting kaeliegh, then getting jen, then my family, stay over at my parent's, then jen's parents in the evening on xmas day then my family again on boxing day for a brunch. jeepers. 

new years resolutions:

to quit my addictions

to have a job

to be more focused and tidy

to stop putting things off

i find when i set goals for myself they generally get done. here's hoping 2009 is a lot better than the latter half of 2008 ... i feel like all i did was make a film and take a few pictures and watch a lot of movies and read a lot of books and record a lot of ridiculous lo-fi songs. which is what i did.

one christmas memory before i go:

this is a recent one, two years ago on christmas eve, my mom made me go and get a hair cut because, well, family pictures, my hair was shaggy, blah blah. strangely enough, my dad's hair dresser fit me in and i went. craig came with me, for whatever reason. he fell asleep in the waiting area and i REALLY wanted to draw on his face. the hair dresser thought it would be funny to give my mom the hair in a gift bag, as a gag, you know? so we put this large amount of my freshly cut locks into a festive holiday bag and i brought it home. i was laughing so hard i was crying, but i couldn't give it to her, as i didn't think she would get the gag. i eventually gave it to caley gibson randomly one time when he was over. he and i haven't spoken in over a year. ah, christmas.

happy ho ho?

Christmas Magic

I'm actually going to miss Christmas once it's over. Even though I'm not able to be with my family this year, this is the first time in a long time I've actually enjoyed being in the spirit and watching the old animated Christmas shows and listening to music. It's a familiar feeling, like the time before I found out Santa wasn't real.

I was a faithful child to Santa. I never stopped believing because of all the logical reasons children stop. Never for a minute did I not believe in the magic. Santa *was* magic. That's how he got everything accomplished. I could never understand why the other children didn't believe. "Magic isn't even real!" they'd say. I never understood that. That's why my world was shattered the night I found out Santa wasn't real. Somehow it all clicked. I realized the stories weren't true and magic really didn't exist. Just like everyone had said.

My family continues to laugh at the dramatic display I put on that night. I cried like nobody's business, but it really *did* shatter everything I had ever believed in and Christmas was never the same after that. Even up until now I have had a lackluster spirit about the whole thing. But this year...this year has been good. I don't know what changed.

Maybe I just let myself believe in the magic again.

my john lennon list

just a chronological list of tunes that work as a good mix of john fronted beatles' tunes.

to know her is to love her (cover of phil spector's teddy bears' 'to know him is to love him)

you can't do that

i'm a loser

rock n roll music

help!

you've got to hide your love away

you're gonna lose that girl

norwegian wood

in my life

tomorrow never knows

lucy in the sky with diamonds

a day in the life

i am the walrus

strawberry fields forever

all you need is love 

revolution (single)

glass onion

happiness is a warm gun

everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey

sexy sadie

the ballad of john & yoko

come together

across the universe

free as a bird

real love

had a really great night with jen, she took me out for dinner to buccacino's and we did a little last minute christmas shopping. she is a doll :)

i wish i were stephen malkmus (or at least a jick)

i wish i were in a sloppy yet proficient band who broke up and then i went on to a wonderful solo career. i wish that indie kids discovered me years later and obsessed about me. i wish people named their cats after me. i wish i had talent (musically). i wish this were my band and a polaroid of me, smiling sardonically.

shady lane (everybody wants one)

i'm not sure if anyone reads this. i can never tell online when people look at my songs on myspace, no one ever comments and says 'nice song' or 'stupid song' or 'that song is average'. i just want to know who is looking at all this.

the other night i watched three teen films back to back, this one was with corey haim, nicole eggert, molly parker, clearly it was canadian. it was called 'anything for love' and involved haim dressing in drag at a new high school to avoid a bully. the kicker in this film is ... well, there's two. molly parker (in one of her first parts i assume) plays a bitchy cheerleader captain. kicker the second - alanis morrissette makes a cameo appearance at the end during a talent show. this was when she was simply alanis, the canadian pop sensation. this was before joey dumped her and she got all pissy.

the second film i watched was fast times. the tv edited version with the extra scenes, nick copolla (dude, your sister's a fox) and the various other shitty scenes not on my vhs copy. 

then there was private school ... for girls! also starring phoebe cates. this film opens with harry nilsson's classic 'you're breaking my heart so fuck you' over the credits. it also features matthew modine, mr hand from fast times, the chick who plays luke's sister on gilmore girls and various other nobodies from the 80s. the soundtrack features numerous songs by cates. she doesn't show her tits, but there is plenty of action (good and bad) in the obligatory shower scene. did you know phoebe cates is married to kevin cline and that their son is the younger son in the squid and the whale? interesting.

saw benjamin button the other night at a preview screening with craig, josh and melissa. it was so beautiful i cried numerous times. it has a very forrest gump feel to it and shares similar themes and major plot moments. one of my favourite films this year, easily.

was sick to my stomach thursday night, stayed in friday night by myself out of self pity, last night went to dinner with my family and then to jen's and today we had a great morning but then i was sick all afternoon. my stomach hates me, this is a fact.

i have run out of money and food but at least i have christmas presents. 

i plan on doing a re-write of mr writer tomorrow, or at least taking notes on what needs work. 

watched a&e biography on elmore leonard tonight and then watched jackie brown (based on his rum punch book) and hadn't seen it in a long, long time. while watching my vhs i noticed how un-tarantino it is and how well it holds up as a film from the 90s and not a tarantino flick. good on him. also, the flick made more sense to me now as an adult than as a 14 year old kid. my dad took me to see that movie. i know it wasn't his thing but he's a good guy my dad.

he and i had a big chat yesterday about my future. he is worried but believes in me. i'm worried. yup, this is how it goes.

at least i am ready for christmas. we'll see what january brings.

just venting.

i am worried.

my stomach aches never seem to go away. 

my sinus headaches never seem to go away.

people have never kept me close on their radar and now i am not even a blip.

haven't heard from toronto in over a week. fury.

my dad doesn't understand how i blew through my savings (it's easy in six months i suppose, especially when you pay for the funding of a film that didn't turn out as good as you wanted it to).

i have no money and don't know what to do. i suppose i'll just get any old job and not focus on trying to get a good one. gas station, here i come?

i can never sleep. ever. when i do get to sleep, people buzz my apartment. yes, random people. my buzz code is 33 and i think the 3 sticks when people are dialing anyone, so i get - a few times a day - random people. grandmas. meals on wheels. assholes. etc. lots of etc. my mother also texts me at 9am to tell me that so and so is going to be on the view. nice of her, but when someone is on the view, they never talk because four fuckin gabby bitches are yammering at the speed of sound.

i've gotten so depressed lately that i almost can't even watch tv because i just get so filled with envy and anger that other people are working in the fields that i would like to be that i can't stand it. not even local people, but everyone. i want to tell the world to take a nice big leap off the edge of a cliff. 

i also hate getting this school newsletter magazine from u of w, showing me that two people in my grad class are hard at work as actors, spotlighting them blah blah blah. blow me.

i'm sick of everyone's successes being rubbed in my face. i'm sick of not being qualified for anything because i didn't get an internship somewhere because i didn't go to so and so school. i'm a qualified person, i'm not an idiot and i know how to act in a workplace. i'm creative to the point of moody though. i don't know. fuck it.

gotta go and wrap presents and go to my mom's birthday dinner. holidays. be a lot easier if i didn't have a non-stop stomach ache since i was twelve years old.

Photo by miss_blackbutterfly


There are pieces of light inside of me that I must give. "Give your light," is what I heard. Not just at Christmas, but every day, because there is a lot of light to give. So there are secret things to be done. Little stars plucked from the galaxy. If you should come upon one, keep it close!

hello, i'm the older brother of indie rock...

so we went to the walker tonight for some jingle bell rocks action, took me 45 minutes to drive to jen's work (usually takes 20 at the most) because it is a) frozen as all hell and b) people drive like assholes when it is this frozen. early show, many acts, doors at 6 (we arrived just in time) and mike relm, the best mash up dj i have ever seen played to almost no one, which is a shame because he is charming and amazing. spun some new stuff, was awesome.

sebastien grainger then played to almost no one as well in his gotch and suspenders. AMAZING. better than dfa 1979. 

i should probably mention that it was rush seating on the floor area. we got some seats right on the edge in the first row, so children kept pushing past us. when i say children, i mean the place was packed with teens and tweens, teghan and sara look-a-likes, annoying kids with iPhones, not knowing how to stand in one place or actually watch a band play. as mike relm said 'can i get some more volume, i can hear their darkest secrets'. after sg, i said 'let's get real seats' and we did. but we were right by the bouncer and i kept getting distracted by children bugging him to let them up front. and drunk girls. and drunker guys. seriously, who lets these people out of the stupid ward?

the dears blew my mind, much more entertaining than three (four?) years ago opening for matt good. great stuff. tokyo police club seemed to be fan favourites, delivering a slightly tighter show than the other three times i've seen them. write a song longer than 2 minutes and we'll talk.

metric then played mostly songs from their un-released new record, and the songs rocked. i had never seen them and i will say a) emily haines is a great frontwoman and b) she should probably eat a sub from quizno's she is so darn thin. but she is still a vixen, and was warm to the audience.

all in all, despite the fucking freezing cold of the inside of the theatre (it was basically like being outside) we had a good time!

i should sleep but i never can.

g'nite.

the weekend

well.

last night we went to quinzmas and had a ball. the guys are one of the best live bands in the city, they're charismatic and tight and can all sing like pros. if they aren't national radio hitmakers in the next five years, i'll eat my hat. i guess good ol' fashioned pop rock just isn't what the kids want these days, they're all pissy. hmm.

then we got a last minute invite to ian and laura's, so we stopped by afterwards. saw marc gomez, still don't know why he and caley stopped talking to me, we used to be besters, talked almost every day. hmm, maybe it's cuz i'm a moody asshole?

josh and ian played us some demo-y stuff that they had been working on with their band, jen and i told them they needed choruses. 

i also ate some chicken and gingerbread cookies.

today we did not do our radio show, it was too cold to leave the house multiple times we figured, so we stayed in. we decorated my little white tree while listening to the phil spector christmas album. then we watched the flaming lips' christmas on mars, which i'll admit was a little disappointing, but still enjoyable. then we watched nightmare before christmas because i hadn't seen it since it was in theatres, maybe fifteen years ago? i don't know. it was fun. then we went to my sister's dance show, i think it's conservatory she dances with? the university program. either way, she was great, show was pretty good, except my ex, the one that dances with my sister, the one that broke up with me almost five years ago, well, she was dancing, her entire family was sitting in the row in front of MY entire family ... always awkward. then she shot me a glare after the show. she needs to go and get over herself. anyways.

now i have insomnia because i am torn about my future. i hate that i am not musical. i hate that i don't know how to get a grant and make a film. i hate that i have to go and fill my cup and the fridge is all the way over there. i hate that i ran out of money before doing any christmas shopping and now have no job and don't know what to do.

saw trevor that i worked at hmv with. trevor has worked at every hmv and record store in the last twenty years or so. he is an amazing guy with the most positive outlook on life. seriously, his girlfriend passed away  about a year and a half ago, right before i met him, and he just took it, learned from it, realized he shouldn't wait seven years to marry the next one ... anyways, ran into him at safeway yesterday. he was the one thing keeping me sane at that job, he and i were the two full timers, aside from the receiver and the 'bosses'. speaking of, i saw some pics from an ex-co-worker's bday (lisa, the one that designed our beautiful mtd merch grrrl logo) and saw the boss was there and i was all 'psh, glad i didn't go to THAT shiznit'. anyways. he's a dink that fired me with no proof of anything, circumstantial bullshit. i think he got mad that i told his boss in calgary that he went for lots of smoke breaks. 

i try to sleep, except my mind won't settle. ever. i am SO FUCKING TIRED. metric/sebastien grainger/dears/mike relm/tokyo police club tmrw night. could be awesome? hopefully.

i'm really worried about getting a film made. i should be more worried about how i am going to pay rent. i suppose i should go and get a job, asap. i suppose i have been saying that a lot in the last six months. suppose................. 

saw john tonight at lauren's dance thing. he used to be my buddy, he dated a friend of jessica's, then through whatever they broke up and then he got a job at landau and then for a few years i hung out with him every week, at least a few times. then i stopped wanting to drink so hard, then the infamous night at teaser's where he and richard left me and i wound up in a car with a guy in a white track suit doing lines at a red light (him, not me). but it was nice to see john.

i wish i had the ability to lead a normal, happy life. i'm sure most people do. i wish i knew what would make me happy. that is my one wish this christmas.

Vacation at home

Monday~
Christmas shopping
jingle bells
gold & silver tinsel stars
mosaic candle holders
tea lights
floating stars
gingerbread cookies
Fantasia
purple skirt
A Little Princess

Tuesday~
gift wrapping
painting
envelope addressing
reading
body shimmer
glitter everywhere
pad thai



Wednesday~
lunch with boyfriend
watching faerie tales
new poetry
watercolor flowers
dreamy music
wearing pajama pants all day (except for lunch out) ;)

Thursday~
being mama bear (boyfriend had 6 teeth extracted)
naps
rainy day



Friday~
bread bowls full of soup
mailing gifts
chai tea latte
more poetry
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
flickr inspiration
writing

Saturday~
laziness
dinner and games with friends

Sunday~
more laziness
sleeping until 1 p.m.
last recharge before back to work

charlie brown said it best - i can't stand it.

sigh.

so i'm realizing that i need to step back and take a look at things, analyze, remove. things aren't going well in the book of nick. i need to get up off of my ass but i keep saying 'oh, i have to do this' and making excuses. 

i need to go and find out how to apply for grants. i'm tired of people just saying 'apply for grants' because i look at them and have NO IDEA what i am doing. then i get mad that other people that make shitty films are getting grants and getting theirs seen around the world. aside from a few screenings at the u of w film fest, mine are not seen. all that work is not worth just one screening. i'm sick of it, frankly. i have no idea what i am doing, no guidance, no help. 

got word tonight that none of our super 8 footage worked out, so we have to re-shoot a bunch of stuff. welcome to no-budget filmmaking.

i'm pretty fed up with it, to be honest. i'm tired of a lot of it. i'm just tired. i haven't been this mad in a while. this sad really. almost to the point of wanting to burst, but i don't have the energy to. 

it's all really self indulgent 'whoa is me' bullshit, but yeah. that's what this is all about. the 'look at me' factor. 

i don't feel like i have any good friends lately. i don't talk with anyone about anything other than bullshit to pass the time. jen is good to talk to but she doesn't always help. 

i wish i were better at music, that i could do things and people would take it seriously. i wish i understood photography and lenses and irises and apertures and could make a good looking film and i wish i understood lighting. i just want to be able to do it all myself because i don't trust anyone else. i wish i were a better editor. i wish i could do everything that i want to do. instead i literally just sit here and freak out, getting overwhelmed, worrying. 

i am almost out of money. i need a job. i'm getting dicked around at one freelance thing and not getting enough work at the other. i need to get out of the apartment and make something of myself. people are too busy to notice that i am not doing anything so i act like it doesn't matter.

ladies and gentlemen, this is when we start to worry about our boy. at least this makes me smile non-stop! the best sad/happy warm blanket tunes you could ask for!!!

New/Old Soul

1. february 19th, 2. Pressed flowers, 3. Beyond the Magical Doorway, 4. polaroid, 5. Untitled, 6. stars, 7. #169, 8. Vintage covers, 9. Away, 10. little boats...., 11. Untitled, 12. (280) Note to Self:, 13. it's beginning to look a lot like christmas, 14. The nest of the Unicorn, 15. Winter White, 16. dreamy market

"just like how newman does movies too"

my girlfriend's little brother watches a lot of seinfeld, and he was watching lindsay lohan on ugly betty last night and i said "hey, she's in movies too hey, like freaky friday" and he's all "yeah, it's  kinda like how newman does movies too, like cheaper by the dozen" "ya, and jurassic park, right?" "yah, that one's a comedy, right?" "right."

also for fun, his reference to the shows iCarly and drake and josh (involving the same actress) = him to jack white in the white stripes and raconteurs. he is ten. emmett also does his own version of seinfeld called emmfeld ... he does the stand up at the beginning, "don't eat those pretzels, they'll make you thirsty" and parts from the frogger episode, among others. what a kid.

so kind of a weird week.

i've been locked in my apartment for the most part, writing, watching hitchcock films and eating those amazing blueberry muffins from sobeys, you know the ones. on wednesday while watching 'rear window' i got a little note under my door. red through the envelope. red means something bad, right?

disconnection notice. hydro.

now, since i moved in here in july, i filed with hydro and have heard fuck all from them. people told me it takes a few months for them to send a bill. i thought this was curious but figured, if i don't have to pay for a while, no big deal.

so i called the number ... it was 330, and the offices closed at 430, and if i didn't pay today, i was fucked. imagine if i WEREN'T a shut in ... ANYWAYS the girl on the phone informed me that they had been sending out bills since june (i haven't lived here since june) and that it should have been MY JOB to call them to see why i wasn't getting bills. being a new renter, i had no fucking clue how often i got billed, but yeah. whatever.

i ran across the street to my hydro office (luckily located literally across the street) and paid in full. then i went home, checked my mail and saw that i had the FIRST of these hydro bills, saying that i owed money by november 20th or they would take action.

the girl at the office told me it was a post office error. i've been getting all my other mail. my friends in the building get their hydro bills on time. hmm. why the FUCK am i just now receiving a bill for NOVEMBER 20th?? jeepers.

on a nicer note, check out this new christmas song by my friends in merch table delite, it's a song ABOUT christmas songs. GET IT? also, check out this for the OTHER band who loves, christmas, quinzy! my photogs turned out not so bad i think, considering i lit them with my double headed black lamp from the corner (i'm apparently getting some lights for christmas!)

last night jen and i had some fun, watched some ER, baked cupcakes, listened to christmas music on the weather channel, kept each other warm ... twas delightful!

tonight i will go out and be sociable, the plan is to go to the film group screening at seven then the times change(d) to see marc's band the twerps play with the wind ups. i am realizing i need to get myself out of the house more, see people, mingle, get the word of the film out mostly. then tomorrow night is quinzmas, sunday is the radio and my sister's dance show, monday is jingle bell rocks ....... before you know it, we'll be opening presents and then before you know it AGAIN - a new years eve wedding.

later kids and kiddos.

Photo by CinemaCowgirl

"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it."

~Toni Morrison

The Cottingley Faeries

"Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you on this earth. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. They can be your pets- pups with funny names, cats with ferocious old souls. The thing that keeps you here can be your art. It can be things you have collected and invested with a certain sense of meaning. A flowered, buckled treasure chest of secrets. Shoes that make you taller and, therefore, closer to the heavens. A suit that belonged to your fairy godmother. A dress that makes you feel a little like the Goddess herself.

Sometimes you keep falling; you don't catch anything.

Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you here. Sometimes you catch them. Sometimes you don't.

Sometimes they catch you."

From Necklace of Kisses
~Francesca Lia Block

down and out without a doubt

i'm a little concerned about the state of everything. my life is a little un-settled at the moment. i've just finished making a film and i find myself quite alone, everyone else gone back to the usuals of their day to day-ness. i remain, as i always do, on the sidelines. 

i go to a party and tell everyone all sorts of neat things about the film and the writing i'm doing for so and so. only problem is, the film for me is months and months of work, all for thirty minutes to other people. the writing, not going so well. it's hard communicating when your boss is in toronto. waiting to hear back on little details can take weeks. horrible weeks! sitting and waiting and eating all the food in your kitchen and watching so much degrassi it hurts. 

i need to get christmas presents.

i tried looking up grant applications, only to find that i have no idea how to apply for them. the websites are useless, they just tell you who won last time. and it's never the people who need grants. why does ___________ need two grand a month to write? i don't know. maybe it's because i funded this whole project myself (chad will be paying me back half at some point) that i'm stressed. i don't know. i don't think that i will ever get to make anything worth while and that i will be working three part time jobs or something. i'm still pissed about not getting that film critic job and the reasoning behind it. i'm not a photographer, and though i do enjoy taking photos, i'm not good enough at it to do anything outside of shooting for uptown. not that that is a bad thing, shooting for uptown is great, just inconsistent. and i am not a very confident photographer, i have no training. i don't even know how to operate the functions on my own camera. i never understood any technical stuff in film class, rarely shot my own work, not a tech guy, lens guy, lighting guy, anything. i feel stupid when i'm on set and they're taking light metre readings and talking about all sorts of shit and i haven't a fucking clue about any of it. mostly i want to give it all up and run for the hills. 

the one thing i really wish i was good at was music but i am not, not at all. i can't understand how to play, i don't get notes, i am not good at all. i've been playing bass for a few years on and off and have nothing past a basic comprehension. borders on embarrassing. 

if i could just write screenplays all day long i would. i suppose technically i can do that right now, all day long, but i can't. i could, i just can't even get up the nerve to open my final draft application. i feel like i can't make any of this stuff on my own, so why bother. it took almost 60 people to make the new film, and months of planning and tons of cash. to make my full length would cost over a hundred thousand dollars. i love those characters and that story but the script ... i don't know if it stands up. don't know if it is worth putting that money into. 

i'm doubting myself in the writing department, that maybe all of my ideas are recycled. i'm worried about what fucking university drop outs are going to say about it. what assholes are going to say. i'm pissed that musicians can write a three minute song, spend a week in a studio, go and play shows each night ... it's so accessible. so much easier to publicize it all as well. hear a song on a radio, online, wherever. buy the record, see the show, buy the t-shirt. 

none of this is easy, i know, it's just easier to get yourself out there, for the audience to find you. 

i'm just not having a good day. so here's a picture of quinzy opening presents in my apartment. they are having their annual quinzmas show on friday and saturday at the park theatre. read the article in this thursday's uptown and see the photogs i took?

my top ten records of 2008

well - it is that time of year again. where bloggers blog and list makers list and everyone gets all self important and wants to know what everyone thought were the best ten records to come out in a twelve month period ... last year i did a top forty for pop-zap.com, but since then i haven't written for them and they have removed everything i have written from their archives. i did a top ten for uptown magazine last year as well, that was nicer. ANYWAYS i suppose i will say that this year's top ten records was a tough call, lots fell in and out of the ten, but overall these are records i enjoyed thoroughly throughout the year. also, i saw many of these artists live and were blown away, thus giving more appreciation to their recorded output. so here it is - 

THE TOP TEN of 2008 according to this SHUT IN

#1 

SHOTS by LADYHAWK

this is a record i will probably never tire of, and the show that accompanied it at the pyramid was incredible. a fight broke out, pictures were taken, darkness. rock. beer soaked and beautiful. 'fear' and 'night you're beautiful' and 'sthd' are all standouts. 

#2 

REAL EMOTIONAL TRASH by STEPHEN MALKMUS & THE JICKS

nothing is better than pavement, but this is the next best thing. long jams and beautiful pop numbers, 'we can't help you' has the prettiest 'da da da da da' in years. do it.

#3 

NOUNS by NO AGE

this one didn't leave the player for a long time. filled with dirty pop songs and no wave feedback. love love love it.

#4 

MOUNTAIN BATTLES by THE BREEDERS

Kim Deal continues her love affair with Steve Albini, the band return to form and break the moulds they made years ago all at the same time. 'it's the love' is a great pop song, while 'istanbul' is the most quoted song all year (for me anyway).

#5 

LUCKY by NADA SURF

mellow and pretty and thoughtful, the grown up sap record for kids who used to be all emotional and worry and still need that warm blanket. plus, they step it up live and actually rock. if the last record was the 'fuck it, let's have a party' one, this is the day after, beautiful and nostalgic.

#6 

PARALLEL PLAY by SLOAN

continuing where they left off with the 30 song epic NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT, sloan churn out manic pop songs that are catchier than ever. growing up with their fans and not trying to fit into what is happening now is a good move, best line is on "i'm not a kid anymore" - "scariest thing about my halloween is that november rent is due"

#7

AT MOUNT ZOOMER by WOLF PARADE

ah, the almost fabled follow up to APOLOGIES. yes, they coulda been a one-off band. yes, this record sounds much cleaner and focused than the first. yes, the songs sound much better live. but the songs themselves are quite good. worth the wait? not at first, but with a few months to digest it, yes, yes it is.

#8

AFTERPARTY BABIES by CADENCE WEAPON

yes. THE dance record of the year. one of THE best live shows of the year. THE best pop culture references in a rhyme - too many to name. GREAT, GREAT ... GREAT!

#9

CHRISTMAS ON MARS (SCORE) by FLAMING LIPS

the fact that this exists FINALLY makes it make the list. i can't even tell you how weird and beautiful and classic it sounds. just go listen to it. then watch the film. then eat the popcorn.

#10

WALK IT OFF by TAPES & TAPES

dave fridmann again here (he produces the lips) works his magic. bass heavy and raw sounding, a rock record for the indie kids. a classic. lived up to the hype. congrats! love it! beautiful!

there's my ramble deal with it?

my favourite songs of the year were 'royal canadian lovers school' and 'keewatin arctic' featured here. each week a different group of musicians got together and worked on some tracks, not knowing who they would be paired with. these two feature jay churko and john k samson, respectively. there were lots of other great records out this year that i cannot even remember because ... well, i don't know. itunes is weird for me so i cannot look. consumer goods and tiger beat both put out neat records, as did ken mode (the loudest band in north america).

i can't tell you a lot of movies i liked this year. so maybe i'll make a list at some point.

g'bye.

journals for 'a reasonable man' part 3

monday november 17

so bruce called today, but i was asleep because i never fall asleep at a decent hour because i don't do anything all day and so i called his office and he wasn't there but then he called me back. he apologized for not being around and all lately (he's the nicest guy, i swear) and calmed my nerves on a few issues that i had about the site and the comments from the other writers. nothing negative, just stuff i didn't know. anyways. he might be in town in march and he said we could hang out if he was.

yup.

also he said that hugh dillon couldn't open the files on his computer so bruce has to send him a 'fuckin hard copy'. 

tonight i went and helped out dave brown at an onalee ames acting class, they were doing auditions. i got to be 'the director'. it was a blast actually. there are some talented folks in that room. some people (the younger actors) couldn't pronounce certain words ... but we'll forgive them. saw a few old friendly faces and a few people i swear didn't remember me, people i had put in my films. no recognition from them. maybe i remember them because i get to stare at their faces over and over in editing and they don't remember me because it is like a one day experience for them. hmmmm. i dunno. they did scenes from the flick 'living in oblivion' and the characters are named nick and chad ... that made me laugh, i didn't think about that until tonight.

then dave took us out for drinks and food. he wouldn't let us pay. he is one helluva guy that dave brown. met a few folks and had some chats. i haven't gone out and socialized a lot lately so it was cool. 7pm-2am with the class then the outing. i was telling some stories and i guess i've gotten soft in my old age (i was never a hard drug user or anything, but since i've quit drinking i worry that i've turned into a pussy or something, well, not really, but i'm even LESS of a ... i don't know. tough guy? guy's guy? something.)

december 2, 2008

so lots of ups and downs the last week or so.

got a call the other morning waking me up - my cousin meghan's dad died. she had just gotten back from two years of working on a resort island and was living with him for the last two weeks. he died by himself though, in the middle of the night. pretty sad. 

been getting lots of editing done. have a rough assembly (that is a pretty tight picture cut, actually). it clocks in at 36 minutes - so i'm sure the rough cut will be 40 minutes when we add in the super 8 and 16mm footage. it's looking pretty good, flows well, it's quick and punchy. i like it. it needs a lot of work though.

bruce called the other day and page by page praised me for my work, which was pretty exciting. talked about the next steps, always vague but always good. call was almost twenty minutes, turning into more conversations than me just saying 'yup' in awe. so there's that.

had a nice weekend with jen. quite a nice few days. watched 'my winnipeg', shopped, cuddled, all the good things you want from a relationship!

oh, and the other film thing. a change up in our other male lead character - nothing bad happened, don't worry. things are changing for the better me thinks. just a strange situation and we shoot tomorrow. so ... there's that!

Wednesday, december 3

so we shot the final scenes today. met up at landau ford lincoln to shoot in the upstairs of the old un-renovated area upstairs. our replacement actor, andrew nolan was quite brilliant as 'john winston'. him and i had some great chemistry. darcy was supposed to play john but recommended andrew and darc still came out to hang for the first bit of the shoot. awesome. had a 'yoko' in there as well, a girl named meghan, what a good sport.

crew wise we had - bj, wes, josh, kael and leah. chad directed. i acted and assisted. brett did make up. after shooting in (we re-dressed harv's office for the hotel dakota) and out (the exchange looks just like new york city!) we wrapped the first half of the day by 230 (we started at 930). set up for the other half of the day, drew as milt doing his intro interview, kael as karen doing hers, lee as trevor burton doing his, marc as grant davidson and a last minute addition was leah and bj playing the children of their characters, years later. 

during lunch, we got a call from lee, his wife had been rushed to the hospital. we understood he couldn't make it. then, he called and said his wife would have to go in for tests and that he would still come, they felt it was better he shoot it and then shave his mustache (apparently his wife wasn't a fan!)

i think we shot kael's first, HILARIOUS. then drew's, in front of a door that eventually locked itself. no keys. drill? nope. credit card? nope. sledgehammer? yes. shot the rest and were out by 915pm. long ass day, but a great day. superb crew, can't thank everyone enough. shot it on 16mm ... the first half on black & white and the second (interviews) in colour. glorious colour!

so that wraps principal photography on 'a reasonable man'...

journals part 2

oct 19, 2008couldn't sleep last night, anticipation of today's shoot running through my mind. worry that our canadian band wouldn't show up (they did). worried about the order of whom i picked up and where i would stop for gas (nicole who lives in my building first obviously then gas at domo then mike who played the drummer). shot the scene in which harv announces they are going to canada. pretty funny stuff. then the canadian band in the studio. ian (you remember ian, enjoy your pumas/consumer goods/went to lolla with him this year ian) was a little more than a little hungover so he wore some shades. lee (no list records) was our burton, fucking animated as hell. mike and a guy named dave (both great beards) were the rhythm section. stacey and shelly peterson were our hippie girl extras (i have known stacey since we were in a grade 3/4 split class) so weird co-incidence. emil showed up again today as well! hilarity ensued, lee was jumping up and down, scissor kicking, everything. great stuff. shot a few angles (including an over the head) and i was happy. everyone seemed a little happier today because we had no time crunch and it was our last day and we were only doing three scenes.

part two of the day we jumped from 1965 to 91. harv is in the studio with karen's new band (the downers) and they are all on dope. chad's sister michelle filled in as our 'other karen' (the kim gordon to kaeliegh's kim deal, get it!?!?!) and brett returned as ace heartstrings (fixxxing's drummer stuck around for karen's band we figured). also turns out he's an accomplished make up artist, who knew? jen did our make up again today and was awesome at mine as well as the heroin girls. it was a blast. i came up with a nice scene capping line about christmas before milt (drew) grabs karen and hauls her out of the room. golden moments, caught on high definition digital video harddrive (or film woulda been shorter to say).

josh rocked it out crew wise all weekend, he knows his job, he knows we're crunched for time, he's there to work. he shot most of the weekend (if not all). chad kept a cool set that coulda been much more stressful. we put everything in its right place and were out of there by around 4pm today. perfect scheduling if i do say so myself. 

then jen and i went to applebees to treat ourselves to a real meal. i've been depriving myself lately, don't know the last time i went out to eat. caeser salad, steak, shrimp, garlic mashed ... mmmmmm. that, and we saw "W" and it was gold. brolin, you have an oscar nom on your hands. you forget you're watching him and you could swear it is bush. they even put in the part about the pretzels.

i am very lucky to have such great friends helping me make our best film yet.

october 23,2008

harv stevens - nick friesen

fixxxing
karen down - kaeliegh ayre
chuck buck - victor enns
jose - chadd henderson
ace heartstrings - bret hogan

that canadian band
trevor burton - lee repko
ian jeffry
dave
mike

harv's crew
director - chad tremblay
mortimer the sound man - dale kibbins
stanley sloan - leah fraser
cherise - bj verot
sound engineer - bruce claydon
marvin 'milt' milton - drew

an american journalist in paris - jen zoratti

other karen - michelle tremblay

murray berkowitz - gary ross

patty pratt - nicole grabowsky

harv at eleven - isaac
harv's mom - andrea premecz

harv's girls
emily wessell
alexa bereznycky
melanie (pee girl)
stacey & shelley peterson
kylie friesen
cathy
taylor

harv's band
eric
josh benoit

french waiter - josh benoit

grant davidson - marc evans

'the artist' - marshall wiebe

bonnie bennett - ava

johnny & the moondoggs 
matt kennedy
craig
bj verot
dan berzenji

the awesome cousins
no idea. have to check that.

rabbi - howard curl

that's everyone ... so far. and a bunch of wedding extras that are written down somewhere. i don't have everyone's last name written down either. gotta thank everyone for coming out on these insane days and helping out. seriously - couldn't have done it without each and every one of these folks (and a bunch more). 

four more days to go ...

sunday october 26

so yesterday we shot in ile de chaines (or however it is spelled, i butcher) at chad's grandparents'. we lost one of our canadian band members so turned it into a gag about the other guy was missing cuz he's off hunting. yeah. it's a pretty funny scene. we have a lot of canadian cliches - deer head, stuffed duck, canadian flags, habs jersey, the usual. and leah in a bonhomme toque. priceless.

had an epic gg marathon with jen last night to wind down - thurston moore, kim gordon and daugther coco were in an episode involving crazy buskers coming to town. it was a golden moment.

today did not go so well. well, it did. but not as well as i had hoped. i was pretty worked up because today was a pretty heavy scene and i wanted a certain amount of seriousness, so i got into this pretty closed off headspace and everyone was joking around and i was trying to stay serious and a few people were late but it was okay and we were running on time and the gun guy was there and we shot the wide and bj went down and leah went down and we covered them with blood and we were going to shoot the tighter shots and ... the battery died.

no problem - we've got a second battery!

it's dead too.

no problem, we've got a plug in!

the plug in is at home.

so who left the plug in at home and didn't charge the batteries last night?

who drove from deep st james to his apartment at top speeds in the focus?

who felt embarrassed and awful for making everyone wait in the blood?

yeah. this guy.

i returned within 40 minutes and the day was salvaged. it turned out really well. so all was not lost. i was mad at first because i was trying to get mad and feel sad about shooting my friends, then i got mad because i was such a fucking idiot and left the camera stuff at home. 

oct 30

bruce mcdonald (for those of you who haven't been following my insane fan-boy getting to work with my hero epic) commissioned me to write the bible for the new hard core logo website and APPARENTLY screenplays as well. this would be the band from their birth to their death and back again.

so i wrote it last week and awaited response and bruce just called - he was halfway through it, had to put it down and call me to say how much he loved it.

and that he was sending it to danny and dave - daniel fucking macivor - to get their feedback and then turner and baker (book and original screenplay) to get their reactions and to hugh, callum, bernie and john (the band in the film) to get their reactions. jesus. 

he also said things like how he loved how i put them into real events and had real people (erica ehm from muchmusic and jeanne bekker to name a few) and he was all 'oh i'm sure jeanne would love to write something for it' ........... he loved the fictional accounts and the fictional characters and said that ... well, he said lots. i'm gushing now, i'll stop.

in the next few months you'll be seeing the hard core logo website. it will be much better than anything i could do on my own. i am stoked. stoked stoked STOKED..so bruce called today, but i was asleep because i never fall asleep at a decent hour because i don't do anything all day and so i called his office and he wasn't there but then he called me back. he apologized for not being around and all lately (he's the nicest guy, i swear) and calmed my nerves on a few issues that i had about the site and the comments from the other writers. nothing negative, just stuff i didn't know. anyways. he might be in town in march and he said we could hang out if he was.

yup.

also he said that hugh dillon couldn't open the files on his computer so bruce has to send him a 'fuckin hard copy'. 

tonight i went and helped out dave brown at an onalee ames acting class, they were doing auditions. i got to be 'the director'. it was a blast actually. there are some talented folks in that room. some people (the younger actors) couldn't pronounce certain words ... but we'll forgive them. saw a few old friendly faces and a few people i swear didn't remember me, people i had put in my films. no recognition from them. maybe i remember them because i get to stare at their faces over and over in editing and they don't remember me because it is like a one day experience for them. hmmmm. i dunno. they did scenes from the flick 'living in oblivion' and the characters are named nick and chad ... that made me laugh, i didn't think about that until tonight.

then dave took us out for drinks and food. he wouldn't let us pay. he is one helluva guy that dave brown. met a few folks and had some chats. i haven't gone out and socialized a lot lately so it was cool. 7pm-2am with the class then the outing. i was telling some stories and i guess i've gotten soft in my old age (i was never a hard drug user or anything, but since i've quit drinking i worry that i've turned into a pussy or something, well, not really, but i'm even LESS of a ... i don't know. tough guy? guy's guy? something.)

november 3

we shot at the bingo hall yesterday. grand finale. massacre. etc. bloodiest day of all. 

chad, leah, dale and i showed up at noon. toni marks let us in and told us all the details of bingo people that she could. insanely insightful, and now all i want to do is make films about bingo. i'm not kidding. bingo people are the quirkiest creatures of habit i've ever heard of. gamblers in any sense are i suppose. kind of amazing.

bj and josh and dave brown showed up around 2. dave brought with him not only guns, but a steadicam jr for us to use. the scene last night involved one continuous shot, choreographed down to every last movement. bj shot it and it went really smoothly i think. the shot looks fluid and nice, as opposed to a shaky handheld. 

so we started the scene outside, walked into the bingo hall, sat down, stood up, waved a gun, shot a gun, shot a gun again, had brett off camera with josh applying blood and flicking it, made quite a mess. 

jen saved us again because our make up girl cancelled. but then jen's bus driver was a dink and jen missed her stop. bus drivers are dinks.

problem was, we were trying to shoot for sundown at 5:03pm. rehearsals went a little long and by the time we shot it was about 6pm and it was pitch black. we had leah and jen sit in chad's car with the lights on, blasting at us before we went into the hall. it worked, but when we rounded the corner we got lost in the darkness. 

we did the whole rigamarole and pulled it off without a hitch it seemed. watching on playback, josh was in frame with the blood flick. damn. re-set. here we go again for take two (and due to the bloody nature of our scene, we had only two takes as i only had two identical changes of costume). 

take two went off fine as well, this time with more blood and no josh. 

this sequence is my homage to many things, the bingo scene in highway 61, the ending shootout in roadkill, the VERY end is a bit of a there will be blood reference, and chad even snuck in a nice man bites dog reference in his lines.

november 13

so.just got an email from bruce's people about the hcl project. a few quotes from those that read it:

From Noel Baker (hard core logo screenwriter):
Read it. Liked it. It's all good.

From Callum Rennie (actor, Billy Tallent):
i likey very funny........best C

and a few more additions from John Pyper Ferguson (actor, John Oxenberger) and David Griffith who wrote the sequel with Bruce had a few notes, mostly things I didn't know about that Bruce hadn't told me, backstory stuff they had worked out. So I've got some changes to do. 

either way, I still don't have a job. They're paying me for this, but when? Oh lord, when??

Either way, kinda neat that these guys are reading my shit ... I should put that on my resume

november 16

well, we have finally finished casting the flick. i won't tell you who, but he is a pretty prominent actor in the city. it's also a secret part in the script, so you will all be surprised. hoping to shoot this final day on december third. 

in other film news, putting the footage on the external hard drive cuz we ran outta room on the computer took about 25 hours. yeah. meaning i can't cut anything till wednesday when chad is back from his hunting trip and can help me with the footage. i wish i wasn't so useless at this stuff. eep.

complete pre and production journals for 'a reasonable man'

in august i wrote a short screenplay in one sitting after watching some godard films, sympathy for the devil and piorrot le fou. mostly though, it came after reading this book about record producer phil spector, notorious for wielding guns and making hit records. i made tons of notes and decided to put them to use one night. after a trip to chicago i sat down with the screenplay again, adding a few things and taking away more. since august, my friend chad tremblay and i have done almost everything on our own, shot listing, set dec, wardrobe, locations, with him directing and me acting/assistant directing. it was tough, as it was the first time i have really collaborated on something i wrote. as of now we are in post production, so i thought i would post the shooting diaries here. it also chronicles all the other photography and writing work i have done in the last few months. the journals begin somewhat into pre-production. enjoy?

august 22, 2008

so yesterday we made some decent headway on the film. we are back and forthing with the gun guy, dave brown. we are slowly casting, piece by piece. we are location scouting. we are putting up audition posters. we are costume and prop shopping. we are wig shopping. the rain puts a damper on these things. 

today was not as productive, we did a few things but came up empty handed.

my stomach aches have been getting worse and seem to have no rhyme or reason to them. no matter how much or how little i eat, no matter what it is, constant pain. this pain has been happening as far back into my childhood as i can remember. 

maybe it's the stress of not having a job or knowing what the fuck i'm going to do about money or anything ... i don't know. i'm stressed all the time. maybe i'm stressed because my stomach hurts and it hurts because i'm stressed? 

i feel nauseous and tired and hate it. but maybe the film will get made. the more people read it, the more they are liking it. i can't wait to start shooting. haven't shot a film since march of last year. that is too long.

have also been looking into finding footage of the person that we're basing the film on, trying to get down his mannerisms and looks and whatnot. interesting business.

August 28, 2008

today i got up and did over a week's worth of dishes. i know. ew. i'm a boy. deal.

then i went to meet up with everyone's favourite book reporter, quentin mills fenn and the lovely miss miriam toews. yes, as it stood, everyone else would be using the same artwork (other publications) and the collective reasoning at uptown was 'why don't we just get nick to take some photos of miriam?' and so that is what i did.
she was a delight, a treat, lovely, funny and sweet. i gushed to her. i also bonked my head when i walked up to her to shake her hand. they were on a patio and i walked into one of those umbrellas. yeah. sandpaper, that's how smooth i am.
ANYWAYS we had some lovely small talk, i got off about 70 shots and handed them in to my editor. in one week you can see the shots in uptown! isn't it magic how it all works?
for those that don't know miriam's work, she is easily my favourite local author. 'a complicated kindness' is equal parts 'less than zero' and 'catcher in the rye' - but with a mennonite girl in steinbach. yup.

also, right after this i went home and finished up the dishes and then chad came over and kim, the make up girl. we discussed what we needed. we decided on a few scenes to start shooting next weekend (possibly press conference, a meeting with a tom waits-ish artist and an interview starring a certain local journalist). kim was definitely on the same page as us, great to have her on board. she gets it, it's nice. nice to not have people roll their eyeballs at you. so we decide to go to harlequin and get some wigs. i've never tried on wigs before. after a few, we decide on a blond wig (our character is insanely vain and sports wigs in the 70s to 90s) and an afro wig (for our grand finale) and a mustache (for chad? no, for the film). successful.

august 31, 2008

i checked on something and a certain favourite director of mine ... well, let's just say that something i had been working on has maybe paid off. i won't say anymore because frankly, i don't know what to say or think.

off the record. ssshhh.

sept 3, 2008

so today chad and i went and booked a room to shoot the press conference scene, well, we tried to. it seems that through patty hawkins you can book rooms in the theatre building but not the regular university, that is a whole other ordeal. so fingers crossed we get this room.
then we met up with josh and cranked out all the songs for the film. we had the basic ideas written in the script (lyrics anyways) but we quickly fleshed them out. mostly 60s pop songs, really catchy, repetitive stuff. then josh is going to flesh them out and then we are gonna really record em. then the people in the film can lip sinc to something. 
then we did the 'promo shots' of harv (me) in the 'back to mono' style and i think they worked neat. they will, anyways. chad is going to photo shop em and make em all perty like.

Sept 4, 2008

so today chad and i went and dressed the set of 'harv's office' at the chief's old office (my grandpa's old one, at the dealership). pretty sixties, all wood panel, cool old desk and nik nak crap. great. can't wait to shoot in it. there's even a bar! note: if it is still there if and when we shoot 'mr writer' then we should use it for murray's office.

then met with dave brown, the gun guy. SUPER good meeting, he's on board, supportive, likes the script, called it ambitious, etc. got the joke too. he says we can use a certain actor's studio to do some auditions in, and he's even going to take us into the class tomorrow night and say 'hello all, this is nick n chad, they're making a film about an eccentric record producer'. also, he has a steady cam that he says we can use. what a helpful fellow.

chad and i went and met up with marc evans for thai food (though i only had wanton soup - i also can't spell wanton). then marc and i had our first non-chad hang out (band practice) and that was my day. then i watched eXistenZ and a documentary about the production designer on all cronenberg's films and she went to u of m as a design major or something. 

i miss my girlfriend. i haven't seen her at all this week.

i also miss sleeping. i can't do it.

think i'll call bruce mcdonald in the morning.

g'nite.

Saturday, sept 6, 2008

so yesterday i had lunch with my dad, a meeting with bj about helping out with some production, talked to the j koz about whatnot and saw jen for the first time in a while. 

then this morning, we started shooting.

kim's make up looked great, it only took about an hour or so to make me look like i had lived the hard life. lines on the face, fucked up my hair, pretty great. i am 35 in the scene. we also transformed jen's living room into a paris cafe (twin peaks style) and you wouldn't know unless i just told you. jen's acting was great, really glad the first scene was with her (harv is interviewed by her). josh filled in as a waiter and took a few photogs as well. dale did the sound, chad shot and directed. i'm glad he's directing because it takes SO much off of my mind. in addition to getting everything prepped, i also have to act and be in character and whatnot. so chad directing me and jen and worrying about lighting the scene, aces.

problems:
the camera has no headphone jack. most days we will be shooting with an external sound unit. today we were not so lucky. most of our sound was fine, but on the last few takes we had static. sigh. oh well, it will be okay, we can cut around. 

six hours of shooting, the scene went from being about a page (equal to one minute of screen time hopefully) to about 3 minutes (i improvised, fleshed out some stuff). but it was also the first day and well, it can't all go right the first day.

stand out - dale going to safeway to find juice to sub for wine and a manager following him around because he looked like a hoodlum, holding different bottles up to the light, trying to find the right colour of juice.

so all in all a great start to the filming of "a reasonable man: the unauthorized biography of harvey stevens".

september 11, 2008

making lots of headway on the film this week. we shoot the press conference scene on friday. we have approximately 35 scenes to shoot still. eep. 14 of these scenes are in the recording studio. fuck my life. if we shoot a few a day though, numerous days per week, should start rolling. we just need a few more elements. a lot of casting has come through though in the last few days. victor enns is playing chuck buck, the frank black character, a few more ideas/confirmations - andrea premecz is playing the 'mom' in the 40s/50s. we still need an eleven year old boy to play 'young harv'. joey jacob is playing 'stanley sloan' (her schedule permitting - and yes, the gag is that a woman plays stanley, a man cherise... sonny & cher references ... ) and who else? a few others. 

the press con is all set too, room is booked, got a neat microphone from L&M today. i have mapped out a location:scene schedule type thing. we're setting the schedule, we've decided. kind of a 'this is when we're shooting, be there or be square' type thing.

cast we need:
milty 'milt' milton - bodyguard
that canadian band - basically the guess who
a few musicians
eleven year old boy
maybe a few others.

saturday september 3, 2008

shooting day 2

so here we go.

yesterday we shot the press conference scene. i was the only actor in it (you'll get it when you see it). basically - my character holds a press con to prove that he is still young and hip and to show off his new look. he's announcing that he's producing a new band (fixxxing). he is very excited. he is also losing his mind during this.

kim did my make up (aged me to 46) and we headed down to the school. chad put the tiny camera on the large tripod - hilarity. we used a banquet meeting hall type room for this (looked like a hotel conference room) at the university. bj and his friend brad eventually showed up. brad operated some flashers to act as the paparazzi cameras. there were lots of lights set up. the gimmick we were using was to start on 'harv' (me) giving his press conference, pull back and reveal the room ... (you'll see). anyways. it went well. aside from a few glitches (sound) as always. our sound is hopefully not cursed on this project. 

captured the rushes today and they look great. marc evans said it looks like sctv, and given the absurdity of the scene, i think that works as a compliment. anyways. 

i'm wiped. we have some locations to scout but mostly we are cast (a few to get still). i think i'll be going to stalk actors at a class on monday night.....

kim is gone for a few weeks as well and we have to wait to shoot a few scenes for some film and casting ... ramble.

jen and i had a great couple of nights lately. i'm a happy kid, gotta say.

september 18

so bruce mcdonald called me today.

if you don't know bruce, he's been my hero since 1998 when i first saw hard core logo. he directed that, the show twitch city, tracey fragments, roadkill, highway 61, love crimes of gillian guess, picture claire ... a few others. music videos. television. etc. he's a canadian guerilla filmmaker. he's kind of my hero.

there's a new hard core logo website that is in development and through a strange series of events, bruce got in contact with me about writing for it. i talked howard about two weeks ago, one of his producers. he said bruce would be getting in touch with me. today he did.

i'm not bragging, boasting, anything like that. i'm just fucking thrilled that i get to do some writing for someone that i really look up to, that i had a really good phone conversation with him and made him laugh a few times.

he said today he was going to try and call michael turner up (who wrote the book that the hcl film was based on) about a 'bible' of sorts for the website. essentially, the site will consist of articles, reviews, journals, all about the band on the road from its inception in the early 80s to their break up in 91 and the reunion and everything else. it would be creating a history, a back story. go see the film, you'll get it.

so he needs to talk to michael turner. then he needs to talk to noel baker (he wrote the screenplay) and see how busy he is. so if those two are too busy to helm the project bruce would like me to do it.

i will now stop gushing.

"A REASONABLE MAN" update
i will now gush out our very productive film day.

chad and i went to st. andrews (just outside the city) to see the first recording studio. it looks great, the price is right, the guy who owns it/built it is super nice and we feel like yes, we can work here. we had to rush off to our other meeting at the other studio though. so then we stopped by kildonan park to see if there was a spot to shoot the wedding (there is) and we were happy. made it to our other studio meeting. this studio is a film studio warehouse with a recording studio inside. they were very 'you have all access to everything' etc, but the price is a bit high. for a room that we liked and didn't love, we couldn't justify it.

got home, called mike petkau (who i somewhat know from taking his pictures for uptown). as i had fallen in love with his studio at cmu, i finally got ahold of him about the possibility of using it. he has to check with his boss, but barring anything insane we should have it. we're going to see it on friday. there is also a reasonable price tag per day. ideally, i would like to shoot there (as would chad).

we also organized the shit out of our to-do list. there are many things left to do, but we have started to set dates for locations and people, so it is falling into place and when it is all set in stone, it doesn't feel like a 25 page, 36 scene film with over fifty characters.

we went to find a bingo hall for the climax scene, hit a few places, shrugged at them, stopped by the ruby slipper vintage shop, found some great sixties clothes for the girls but since we had no girls with us, picked up nothing. then we found 'bingo world bingo' on sargent. perfect looking, randomly we showed up when they were just opening for the bingo evening. reasonable price. fuck yes? fuck yes.

yesterday kaeliegh and i spent the day working on her character and outfits, picked up some great stuff (an american flag sweater - A-MAZING) and a few other great props. bow ties. etc. can't wait. she's making her wedding dress out of some tule (sp?) and various other things, as a used dress is anywhere from $50-150. we hit the big three stores too, value village, goodwill, salvation army. great day, hadn't seen the kid in a while.

so all in all ...... pretty great stuff to report. we're not shooting this weekend (make up girl is away) but NEXT weekend is the wedding and shit is rolling from then on pretty insanely.

can't wait to show everyone this flick. can't wait to keep shooting it, first off. jeepers!
tune in for our radio show tomorrow. i don't know what we're playing yet. we'll see... 

well, bye!

ps going to see burn after reading tonight. coen bros comedies are the best kind of comedies.

sept 25

so we start shooting again on sunday. sunday is the wedding scene. the wedding scene is outside. and now they are calling for showers, moving in from alberta, POP 30. could suck. could work out. fingers crossed that people show up.

we had a rabbi picked out, but he fell through so yesterday we got howard curl (who is a john kozak co-hort, "two men in search of a plot") as well as a prof at u of w. we went to the fabric store to get fabrics for our jewish wedding supplies (rabbi's scarf, yamakas - i know that's spelled wrong - and a red carpet for the wedding). we also went to this huge wardrobe warehouse (30,000 costumes) and picked a few things out. fingers crossed about that stuff as well, we're getting a quote about the prices, dry cleaning costs factor in apparently.

casting is up and down overall. found a few more people this week (nicole grabowsky will be patty, emily wessell and katherine supleve studio girls, krystle snow is the 'other karen' and drew from electro quarterstaff is milt). still a few things to cast. scheduling conflicts are already starting though. and i'm a little curious about what is going on with our studio. it went from being 100% to 95% or something. eep.

this film is stressing me out so much that sometimes i just sit and list things in my head and not actually get anything done, just list and stress. kind of worrying i suppose. stomach is in a constant state of worry.

this weekend we film the wedding scene at kildonan park, at the flower garden. parking is in the pavilion parking lot. we're heading out for 9am. marc evans has wrangled a few extras, but if anyone that reads this and wants to come to harv and karen's wedding, it is a cast call of noon and it does take place in 1987, so dress appropriately. 

the shedule is full up as well for the next month of my life. 

oct 1 we shoot band inserts at the university

oct 4 we shoot a super 8 1950s scene of a yard sale

oct 5 we shoot a tom waits ish meeting

oct 11 we are in the bedroom with harv and karen

oct 12 we make stereotyping funny again

oct 15 we interview on 16mm

oct 17-19 we are in harv's recording studio

oct 25 we go to 'the centre of canada'

oct 26 we shoot two people by accident

nov 2 we wrap with the bloodiest bingo hall you have ever scene ...

that being said, our radio show will be on repeat or hiatus till then. 

so ... there's that.

sunday sept 28, 2008

so yesterday we rocked out some more demo stuff with josh benoit. the tunes are coming along for the film. why did i write so many original songs into the film?!?!?!?! oh fuck my life. but it's going well. mixing bowl percussion, is that how they did it in the old days?

then the ken mode show last night deafened me wonderfully last night. fucking ROCKED. i haven't seen the guys play in a long time, and never yet with chad. so that was pretty great.

this morning we set up at kildonan park to shoot the '80s jewish wedding' scene. harv (me) marries karen (kaelieigh). we had about 15-20 extras show up (filled the shot perfectly). had some paparazzi, a bridesmaid, a rabbi, people cheering ... did about six takes (a red bull truck drove by in the background of one .... kind of hard to have that pass for 1987). i was quite happy with all of it, as was chad. one of those shoots that built up and the first couple of takes i was just remembering 'oh yeah, i'm acting right now' because i'm also worrying about 8000 other things ... so it takes me a few takes to get going. but by the end i nailed it, howard nailed it, kaeliegh nailed it, camera and sound nailed it and we all said 'huzzah'!

some of the cool kids that showed up included the likes of drew (eq), shane (ken mode), toby, chad, jane (outside joke), aaron (video on trial!??!) and a bunch of other people i didn't know and never really met. but marc did a great job rounding them up, i'll give em that.

THEN josh shot some stills of nick and kaeliegh for our wedding album hehe. these shots will go in their bedroom. it will be awesome. 

THEN THEN we shot the promotional photogs for the band 'fixxxing'. the great thing is, they LOOK LIKE A BAND. they look like they belong together. i'm quite happy with it all. quite. did the standard brick wall shots, the side profile shots, the jumping in the air shots and abbey road. 

i will go on record saying that chad is doing a great job directing this, he has so many pieces of the puzzle moving and in place and even has the time to direct me, it's a nice feeling. he's probably the only person i would ever feel comfortable with directing the words i've written. dale is knocking it out as the sound man and doing it on camera for the doc feel (you'll get it when you see it) and bj's shots today - on the mark. 

i said to kaeliegh today too that i think it was good to start her out with a basic minimal dialogue scene (she claims she's never film acted before, even though she's great). i think she'll be great. she's really falling into the roll.

most of all, this is fun. this will be a fun month! i'm glad i don't really have anything else to worry about right now, it's a really good feeling.

wed, oct 1, 2008

so we shot at the university today in the plainest room we could find. shooting on super 8, we shot some 1950s performance scenes in a parody of the ronnettes, the beatles and the righteous brothers (the bennettes, johnny & the moon dogs and the awesome cousins respectively). panic set in early on when we couldn't find enough actors to fill in. we wound up finding our old pal matt kennedy (he was in my film 'take offs and landings' and makes a bunch of his own films) to fill in as a very energetic george. dan who was at the wedding the other day was our john, craig had to dawn a wig to be paul (his hair was a bit short) and bj (who helped light the day) wound up as our ringo. problem is, bj is also our cherise (in drag) but you can't tell it's him in the shot. they poorly (on purpose) lip synced to the reeling and feeling song and then we brought in our righteous brothers. chad and i decided to rip off this moving camera shot from the classic you've lost that loving feeling promo clip with the light reveal and all that. kevin and (i'm drawing a blank) filled in as our bobby hatfield and bill medley - they were hilarious. then eva (ava?) was our ronnie spector/bennette, rocking this bouffant wig and sparkly dress. the lighting was perfect, the shot was perfect, it was all magical. 

five hours of prepping and shooting all together (hauling my drum kit from jen's mom's house to the school to my apartment was the least fun of the day). 

marc bought a bass today randomly. yesterday i bought an electric piano from vv for twenty bones. can't go wrong. anyways.

big shoot this weekend. let's hope it all pulls together.

fingers crossed.

big day tomorrow too. eep. got to go get election streeters ... dun dun dun

oct 2

this weekend is a big shoot, it's one of our last outdoor shoots (save for walking into a building in the final scene which i just this moment realized is in NOVEMBER and the possibility of how cold that might be just gave my overtired body shivers). where was i going with this? yes. the stress of thinking it might rain (it isn't supposed to at all) and the possibility of an actor not showing up. 

next week i have to cut my hair to look like phil spector. good lord what i won't do for a movie. 

had a nice day with jen today, we got some streeters for the election. most kids in university will be voting, some don't know for who, all are quite vague and one girl is voting (i think conservative) because she's catholic and pro life. yup. then we had some delightful lunch at confusion corner and i picked up those glasses for andrea's character (harv's mom needs cat eye glasses in the fifties!!!). tomorrow we will finish dressing harv's office, saturday we shoot a yard sale/baby scene and sunday we shoot office. next weekend we shoot three HUGE scenes in the bedroom with myself and kaeliegh. fingers crossed that we pull that off in a day. we have to dress the bedroom to look rich, eccentric and 80s. that will be fun! then one sunday of next we shoot with gary ross (my dad's buddy, an old jew) as the old jewish manager of country sensation would-be patty pratt (life long pal and neighbour nicole grabowsky). 

i also came up with a nice ending to one of the scenes we're shooting this weekend. it will definitely give the needed 'we feel sorry for harv' moment that the film is lacking. otherwise he's just a dick. you can't like a dick. we can laugh at a dick but i want people to like him too. i want there to be a side that roots for him. right now he's just an asshole. a dick and an asshole. that is who i am playing hehe.

october 5

saturday we shot the 1951 yard sale at my gramma's place, as well as the 1940 bedroom baby harv scene. i played harv's dad (with a mustache - looked like hitler) and andrea premecz (catch her on 92.9 kick fm tuesdays noon-3!) played harv's mom. wes came down with his 1956 pontiac and stayed to do sound. isaac was our eleven year old harv and he rocked the scene and had a blast. it was a fun scene to shoot and it fell together rather quickly. child actors are always dicey but this kid brought his a game. he even enjoyed it. my gramma gave his parents beans so we literally paid them with beans. yeah. or bean seeds i think. anyways.

then we shot the bedroom scene. andrea in a nighty with curlers in her hair, me with a big man nighty. nuff said.

today (sunday) we shot at landau ford, my grandpa's old office that time forgot. make up girl was over early, our replacement 'artist' actor came through (marshal wiebe, never acted before but nailed it). bj shot, dale sounded, drew body guarded (lifted waits in the background actually - hilarious). it was a seventies scene so we decided to end the seventies on a sad note, an intense note, took a lot out of me. the scene is the only one where i really act and not just play a character. fucking heavy stuff. i even cried a little. i blew my wad on the first rehearsals and takes and couldn't get the tears going again til take seven. eep. either way, we nailed it, we're happy, we go ahead and prep for next weekend (three bedroom scenes, second/final office scene). 

of course, while we were shooting saturday bruce called (and i missed it). turns out i get to run the show on the hcl website (write the 'band history bible', etc). so we're talking tomorrow. pretty good. prettay prettay prettay prettay good.

i'm so tired it hurts.

oct 7, 2008

just got off the phone with bruce. he's putting me in charge of writing the bible and band history for the hard core logo online site. i would also be the editor, run a round table of writers, and get to write as much as i want. he's giving me this based on a little bit of what he's seen of my work. kind of insane and trustworthy? yeah - but i'm not gonna complain. the way he said it was 'we'll give you a shot and see how it goes'... eep!

it's nice to be woken up by a phone call from your hero once in a while. 

so i'm now going to wait for a call or email from jonas diamond at smileyguy, they're doing the production and design stuff i believe? then we talk about pay. i will finally be a paid writer. i was talking to a friend the other day and they said "blah blah when you're a famous writer" and i said i would just like to be a paid writer. 

so ... yeah. there's that little stress about talking to bruce gone away :) i've been literally holding and staring at my phone hehe. anyways. enough fan boy shit. 

today i'm getting my hair cute to look like harv stevens in the 60s. eep? eep. good thing i've already got a girlfriend cuz i won't be getting one with this cut. i've also gotta prep a bunch of 80s stuff for the bedroom scenes this weekend. AND i've gotta go and get bj to try on his dresses. yeah. cross dressing characters... sigh. anyways.

have a lovely day? i'm going to go and watch the final hour of the six hour beatles anthology i found on vhs taped from abc when it originally aired in 1996, thus saving the hundred plus dollars it would cost to buy on dvd.

monday oct 13alright.

so we shot at my parents' house, in their bedroom (we needed a big room with a walk in closet) on saturday and it went really well. three scenes, two huge ones and one small one. all involving nick and kaeliegh as harv and karen, one involving the director (chad) as the director. leah is back in town, glad she can help with the film too! i haven't made many without her. kim did her make up magic to age me and give kael a fuckin shiner, josh shot and my little calgary cousins showed up during lunch to terrorize (they're in town for turkey). it all went pretty well i think. got some good takes, yelled a lot (my throat hurts two days later) and kael got better with each take. 

we started the day with a scene involving my character having e.d. and me stomping around in ONLY a dress shirt, gitch underneath. yup. the glamorous life of indie filmmaking.

yesterday we set up my bedroom to look like a fancier bedroom, grabbing the old brass headboard from the rents' and life long pal nicole grabowsky (playing patty pratt) and i simulated sex while chad and his sister watched. yeah, seeing as it was thanksgiving and all, certain crew members decided the night before that they forgot it was thanksgiving and michelle tremblay stepped up and now thinks i'm probably a bigger weirdo than ever.

then we headed (in the rain - i'm so glad we've got our exteriors out of the way) to landau to do our final office scene. purchased some herbal cigs (vanilla ... smells like CRAPnilla) and a lighter (two bucks for a fucking bic!?!) and got gary ross to be our murray berkowitz. we knocked out the short scene in an hour of shooting. the smoke we all smoked made me feel fuckin ill but whatever, it looked cool. 

then we picked up jen and it was off to friesen family thanksgiving! the evening was long but good, filled with many foods and laughs and whatnots. evening went on pretty long though, and ended on jen and i having to drive my grandma home in the rain, around the perimeter. then this morning we woke up to the news of the free press strike, which affects uptown because we're in the same union. so that happened. so jen is pretty down about that. so am i. 

on saturday kim said she couldn't do make up on wednesday. we have a bunch of interview scenes to film.

just now chad sent me an email saying our stanley sloan actor is out and we shoot him/her on friday and sunday. nice notice. we think leah will do it though.

so strikes, cancellations, returns, etc. jeepers. 

and turkey. so much turkey ...

oct 14

so lots of shit has hit the fan today.

our make up girl has cancelled on us for the weekend, but she is allowing us to use her kit. she is going to show jen how to do the make up on thursday afternoon.

waiting to hear back from lots of peoples. kaelieigh has put the word out about extras and a few are filtering in. it is a good thing.

josh is in for friday and sunday and hopefully saturday. he is also going to jump on some bed tracks for the kids to lip sync over this weekend. 

still waiting to hear back from a few people which is driving me nuts!

turns out insurance isn't going to be that expensive. thank fuck. also, got all our ducks in a row with the city of winnipeg about the public shooting and the use of a firearm on set (though i haven't heard back from dave brown but he hasn't let me know that we AREN'T on for any reason, i just get jumpy when i haven't heard from someone in a few weeks, i just want a CONFIRMATION). also, we have to paper the areas we are shooting at 48 hours in advance to let the peoples know we are shooting and have a firearm. yup.

so lots of legal hoops to jump through. also, not having our make up girl means we need to find someone else to fill the holes in marc's ears or re-cast marc's part. she's really hurting us here. 

oct 15

things we accomplished today:

touched base with a few extras, not enough though. definitely not enough males. 

we got insurance. cheap and pretty painless.

touched base with the bingo hall lady. that's on, officially!

got a shot schedule down.

watched a film called 'grace of my heart' directed by allison anders (four rooms) which featured john turturro in a phil spector inspired role and matt dillon in a brian wilson inspired role and j mascis in a j mascis inspired role. it dragged, but had a few neat moments. and eric stoltz!

things we got hurt on:

more people cancelled.

the amount of people who return my phone calls is few and far between. damn you potential extras!


hopefully tomorrow goes well. must:

finish organizing costume/wardrobe
get a wig
pick up costumes
pick up girlfriend and take her to learn the make up
grocery/craft service shop

and oh yeah

LEARN MY FUCKIN LINES

oct 17, 2008o today we shot a really long day in the recording studio at CMU (canadian mennonite university). 

loaded in around ten am, chad, leah, josh and i set up the room, took down non-60s period stuff (computers, digital recorders, etc). extras showed up (after some confusion about which campus they were supposed to go to). once bj finally showed up, we started shooting.

the day (or whole weekend rather) has been stressful trying to organize people to be available for the shoot. we thought we'd have a room full of musicians ... nope. just josh and the girls (emily aka emil from hmv whom i missed quite a bit, alexa (kael's friend) and her friend melanie). and then - miracle upon miracles - a random extra dude with amazing long hair and beard calls up, shows up, has period dress, plays guitar and fuckin helps save the day! 

dave brown was there as well. he's our gun guy. well, everyone's gun guy. he's a big help. he's just an awesome dude, can't say anything but good things. he's really helping us out. the gun was great. it's a real revolver - not a replica. it will fire blanks next weekend, but this weekend it is just pointed in people's faces. 

we shot a bunch of scenes, inserts, montage stuff (nicole's patty pratt montage was pretty funny). 

so today was stressful but a ton of stuff got done. even knocked off marc evans doing his grant davidson entrance. the only downfall was that we didn't have drew, our milt, our bodyguard. we'll have him all weekend though, which is good. very good. with goodness on top.

it was just a really stressful day, and the non-commital peoples that may or may not come on sunday ... pretty stressful. gotta say. 

tomorrow is going to be pandemonium. lots of extras (more than we will need probably, but like any good house party, over invite so at least a few show up) and our cast is pretty solid and reliable for tomorrow. jen is going to fill in on make up. neat stuff.

another interesting tid bit about casting, there is kind of a surprise section of the film and a certain surprise actor is 'in talks' to help us out. well, he's gonna meet with us and talk about it. but it will be wonderful. can you wait? cuz i can't.

last night was great, if not long. the day was long (last minute errands for today) but jen ran around with me which was nice. then at 530 my aunt called and asked if i wanted neil young tix, which we did, so we went (after me trying to track her down at the wrong red river campus, etc....) so everest (pretty good) death cab (great - sound problems and testy ben gibbard aside) and uncle neil. side note - gibbard lost about 40 pounds and doesn't wear his glasses anymore. weird!

so uncle neil did about an hour of distorted awesomeness, super old gear, there was a guy PAINTING PICTURES behind the band and yeah. then an hour or so of acoustic, back to electric and that was it. did 'old man', 'heart of gold', 'needle' and a few others that were all i needed to hear.

then, the encore. one song. i recognize these chords. 'i read the news today oh boy' ... a day in the life. beatles. my favourite song by them. at the end, the distortion part, he destroyed his guitar, well, he ripped the strings off and then strolled off grabbing a beer on the way out. pretty epic. ran til 1145 though ...... only problem was i had to go meet kim to get some make up stuff before she left work at 12 .... luckily they were there late.

long story short, i'm exhausted but a good kind. i think the day went well. i think tomorrow will go great. i'm hoping we can pull sunday out of our asses. 

oct 18

today started a lot smoother, went a lot smoother, overall - smooth sailing. we had to rush a little but it went great i think. 

jen filled in for kim on the make up and did a bang up job. i looked old as the hills. 

we shot 1987 stuff today - fixxxing, as a band, looked great. victor as chuck buck, kaeliegh as karen down, chadd as jose santos, brett as ace heartstrings. they looked and acted like a band. their doc crew was great as well. bruce (old film pal) came out as the engineer, looked like mulligan in hcl. hilarious stuff. a few extras, dave brown, etc. josh shot it all. everyone gets a few more lines when we improve.

tomorrow may get pulled off! we seem to have our canadian band on board (when we had zero guys as of friday i think) and ya. nice relaxing night tonight, jen and i ... good times. 

i'm exhausted, my voice is almost gone ... tomorrow is not a big dialogue day though. should be good! although i think i'll yell my ass off in our final take. that'll be funny. 

it makes me feel good that take after take we get a reaction out of the crew and cast. not an ego thing, just a 'they keep seeing it and it is still funny' kind of thing. makes us think we have a good movie on our hands!