last night we went to quinzmas and had a ball. the guys are one of the best live bands in the city, they're charismatic and tight and can all sing like pros. if they aren't national radio hitmakers in the next five years, i'll eat my hat. i guess good ol' fashioned pop rock just isn't what the kids want these days, they're all pissy. hmm.
then we got a last minute invite to ian and laura's, so we stopped by afterwards. saw marc gomez, still don't know why he and caley stopped talking to me, we used to be besters, talked almost every day. hmm, maybe it's cuz i'm a moody asshole?
josh and ian played us some demo-y stuff that they had been working on with their band, jen and i told them they needed choruses.
i also ate some chicken and gingerbread cookies.
today we did not do our radio show, it was too cold to leave the house multiple times we figured, so we stayed in. we decorated my little white tree while listening to the phil spector christmas album. then we watched the flaming lips' christmas on mars, which i'll admit was a little disappointing, but still enjoyable. then we watched nightmare before christmas because i hadn't seen it since it was in theatres, maybe fifteen years ago? i don't know. it was fun. then we went to my sister's dance show, i think it's conservatory she dances with? the university program. either way, she was great, show was pretty good, except my ex, the one that dances with my sister, the one that broke up with me almost five years ago, well, she was dancing, her entire family was sitting in the row in front of MY entire family ... always awkward. then she shot me a glare after the show. she needs to go and get over herself. anyways.
now i have insomnia because i am torn about my future. i hate that i am not musical. i hate that i don't know how to get a grant and make a film. i hate that i have to go and fill my cup and the fridge is all the way over there. i hate that i ran out of money before doing any christmas shopping and now have no job and don't know what to do.
saw trevor that i worked at hmv with. trevor has worked at every hmv and record store in the last twenty years or so. he is an amazing guy with the most positive outlook on life. seriously, his girlfriend passed away about a year and a half ago, right before i met him, and he just took it, learned from it, realized he shouldn't wait seven years to marry the next one ... anyways, ran into him at safeway yesterday. he was the one thing keeping me sane at that job, he and i were the two full timers, aside from the receiver and the 'bosses'. speaking of, i saw some pics from an ex-co-worker's bday (lisa, the one that designed our beautiful mtd merch grrrl logo) and saw the boss was there and i was all 'psh, glad i didn't go to THAT shiznit'. anyways. he's a dink that fired me with no proof of anything, circumstantial bullshit. i think he got mad that i told his boss in calgary that he went for lots of smoke breaks.
i try to sleep, except my mind won't settle. ever. i am SO FUCKING TIRED. metric/sebastien grainger/dears/mike relm/tokyo police club tmrw night. could be awesome? hopefully.
i'm really worried about getting a film made. i should be more worried about how i am going to pay rent. i suppose i should go and get a job, asap. i suppose i have been saying that a lot in the last six months. suppose.................
saw john tonight at lauren's dance thing. he used to be my buddy, he dated a friend of jessica's, then through whatever they broke up and then he got a job at landau and then for a few years i hung out with him every week, at least a few times. then i stopped wanting to drink so hard, then the infamous night at teaser's where he and richard left me and i wound up in a car with a guy in a white track suit doing lines at a red light (him, not me). but it was nice to see john.
i wish i had the ability to lead a normal, happy life. i'm sure most people do. i wish i knew what would make me happy. that is my one wish this christmas.
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